Ever feel like you’re carrying a weight you can’t quite pinpoint?

You’re not alone.

I hated my life.

On the outside, I looked successful by conventional means. A lucrative career. A homeowner. A loving partner. A host of friends.

On the inside, I felt like I was drowning. I didn’t feel like I knew a moment’s happiness. I felt as though I was suffocating under the weight of all my responsibilities: work, family, community.

Everything I was involved with, I felt like I was failing from the start.

It felt as though at any moment the cracks in the walls of my mind would show and everyone would see me for the fraud I was.

I wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t happy. I was constantly struggling to get a foot ahead in life.

I was constantly overwhelmed, feeling like there was too much to do but feeling too stuck to do any of it well.

My heart always felt like it was in my throat.

I’m not even sure I actually BREATHED properly in years.

One day, sitting on an airplane, I started to feel all the moments in time that I had pressed down, ignored, left unprocessed until such a time I had the space to acknowledge and feel them.

But that day never came. 

My stress built up and built up and built up until I felt I was literally about to burst.

When did stress stop being temporary and become a way of life?

Temporary stress became a chronic state of affairs. It was literally the only thing I knew for years.

At that moment, I knew I needed to make a change. I didn’t want this to be my normal anymore.