For Lasting Change: Intentions > Resolutions
I love the collective “fresh start” energy of the new year. But as we wind down January, each & every year, I hear so many wonderful people berating themselves for “failing” at their New Year’s Resolutions.
A few years ago, I shifted my practice from Resolutions to Intentions. I brought more spaciousness to my goals and more appreciation for the process & little wins along the way. I allowed myself the grace to continually check in with whether my intentions still aligned with my desires. My attitude became far less shaming and much more playful.
And you know what? I was able to make lasting changes that stuck. Something I’d never been able to do with New Year’s Resolutions.
If you want to create lasting change in your life in a loving and supportive way, read on. I’m spilling the beans on just how to do it.
Why It’s So Hard To Stick To New Year’s Resolutions
The most common New Year’s Resolution is to lose weight. Closely followed by dropping some vice like smoking or drinking.
And yes, mass marketing tends to frame this type of resolution as “healthier living”- part of the whole “new year, new you” thing.
But when I hear resolutions like that? The thing that jumps out to me the most is the shame behind the motivation. The obligation. The effort to “fix” yourself in order to be more acceptable.
What I don’t hear? What you want for your life. How you want to feel. What growth you hope to make and how your Resolutions support your goals.
We Often Make Resolutions Out of Obligation
Feeling obligated and actually wanting something are two different things.
The changes we try to make out of obligation don’t tend to stick. Because they aren’t in alignment with our true goals and desires.
Often, we are really just striving to be more accepted. And we think making these changes out of obligation will make us more acceptable to others.
But we’re secretly craving to be accepted by ourselves.
When We Only Care About The End Result, We Set Ourselves Up to Fail
The other thing about resolutions? They don’t feel as kind.
Because we’ve been so trained to set resolutions as end results. Lose 20 pounds. Stop smoking. Make $10k more a month.
And when we only care about the end result, there are only 2 ways we can treat our progress: pass or fail. Every day we’re not winning, we’re losing. Even days where we make progress but don’t yet hit our desired outcomes feel like failures.
That is incredibly demoralizing and demotivating. No wonder so many of our “new year, new me” efforts evaporate by February.
That’s why I prefer intentions.
Why I Love To Set Intentions Instead
Intentions feel kinder and more spacious because you get to lean into the process and celebrate each time you notice progress.
And because intentions allow you to focus on your process, you’re given continuous opportunities to check in with yourself about whether your intentions are still in alignment with your true goals & desires for your life.
For a few years now, every February, I’ve been perfecting my own, personal Reset process for setting intentions and making lasting change.
Here, I’m going to share my methods with you.
How To Set Magickal Intentions & Make Changes That Stick
Pick an intention that is a “get to” not a “have to.” It’s easier to stay committed when you’re excited about it.
Ditch the moral judgments about your progress. You’re not “bad” if you don’t go from 0 to 100% transformed in 60 seconds. Get curious about what makes it hard to stick to your intention and what makes it easier. Then you have more information about how to set yourself up for success!
Gamify it. You’re more likely to stick to your intention if you approach it with a playful attitude instead of a punishing one. Find ways to make it fun & easy to fulfill your intentions.
Make room for what you want. You’ll need to clear some space in your life to call in a new habit. What can you let go of? What is no longer serving you? What is getting in the way of your intention? What need is this old habit serving? What are other ways you can meet this need in a healthier way? (I recommend journaling on these questions!)
Set the stage for the new you. Make your environment conducive to your intention. Maybe your intention is to take up rollerskating, so you clear a space in your garage to practice. Maybe it’s to watch less TV so you set up a cozy reading nook with the comfiest blankets, pillows, and all your favorite teas.
What To Do If You Can’t Tell What You Want
In a culture that encourages us to dissociate from ourselves so that we can be ever more productive without noticing how that harms us, it can be difficult to connect with what it is that we truly want.
This is the case for so many of my clients who struggle with burnout, people-pleasing, & perfectionism. Because at some point in our lives, adopting wireframes for what other people thought we should want kept us safe.
If that’s you, don’t worry. Nothing has gone wrong. You are not wrong. But you can reconnect with yourself.
Here’s what to do to connect with what you really want for your life.
Take out your journal, and explore:
What did your child self want to do? What did they want to be when they grew up?
What brought you happiness as a young person?
Read back through your old journals if you had them.
But most of all: experiment! Try things. Take a playful approach to finding things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Create a map of what brings pleasure to your life. Notice. Celebrate. Make more room for it. Then live intentionally in what brings you joy.
You can’t fail at an intention.
Every time you make choices in alignment with your intention, you get to celebrate your success. Because you’re already winning.
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